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Mon, Mar. 26th, 2012, 02:09 pm
Being More than an Accident of Birth

I am grateful that my daughter was brought into this world, for who she is and who she has become. But I am also grateful for the role she plays in my life, for how she interacts with me as my daughter. I pointed out to her that she could choose to not be my daughter anymore. She can’t change the biological fact of her DNA that leads to me, however she could say to her mother “I never want to see Dadda again”. She could refuse to talk to me any time that I am near, she could refuse to do anything that I ask and she could go out of her way to be problematic. Instead she chooses to see me, chooses to talk to me and listen to what I have to say and she does what she can to live harmoniously. It is these choices that I was thanking her for, as well as having allowed me to spawn a child process.

more at http://jomida.com/jomida-blog

Wed, Feb. 29th, 2012, 11:01 am
I present the present of your present – the only time is now

We can all make changes to our future by making changes in our present. What is hard is keeping those changes going and not sliding back into the habits of who we have been.

More at http://jomida.com/jomida-blog/

Wed, Feb. 29th, 2012, 11:01 am
I present the present of your present – the only time is now

We can all make changes to our future by making changes in our present. What is hard is keeping those changes going and not sliding back into the habits of who we have been.

More at http://jomida.com/jomida-blog/

Tue, Feb. 28th, 2012, 12:46 pm
Anger, what is it good for?

Posted by Joshua Davidson on Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Well, it turns out, quite a lot. It tells you when something is wrong, when there is an unidentified danger, or when there is a situation when you have decreased power. Often our actions are turned to the outside world in a reflexive action designed to reassert ourselves and give us temporary reprieve, or they are turned inwards, leading to self-harm physically or socially.

The best general response to anger is to not act. In the heat of the moment you cannot accurately act in a meaningful way because often you don’t really know what you are angry with, or when you do, your emotions cloud your response system and you overreact. So, step one, don’t act.

The next thing to do is calm down. Acknowledging how you feel is a good tactic for calming down. “I am angry”, “I’m pissed off”, “I am enraged”. There is nothing wrong with how you feel – the feeling is trying to tell you something. Acknowledge it, feel it, let it run its course. This could take a few minutes, a few days or even a week. If it takes longer than a week, perhaps you need to consider doing more calming actions.

Once it has moved, look back at the situation leading to your anger and look at the triggers. Were they direct or indirect triggers? That is, did your level of anger match the thing that triggered you, or was that trigger the bit of the iceberg that you can see, the last dribble of the avalanche of events that has collided with you and many more metaphors? If your response was far greater than the triggering event, look at what that event means to you and see if it is indicative of something deeper or elsewhere that you actually have to deal with. What I am briefly describing here is complex anger rather than simple anger, where the event was met by justifiable rage.

Now that you are calm and you know what has triggered your anger, it is time to work out what you can do about it. Often we can’t fix the entire problem, but we can put in strategies to manage repeats. Sometimes we can’t fix the problem at all. This can be very frustrating, but what we can do is manage ourselves until the situation can be fixed.

For example, I can quit work, leave a relationship and tell my best friend that what he did was wrong. These are actions I take to change the world around me. If I can’t quit work (such as financial problems), am guilted into staying in the relationship (she only has a few months left to live damn it) or I can’t tell my best friend what he did was wrong (since I’m not supposed to know and that is breaking someone else’s confidence) then the change that I must enact is internal rather than external until the situation changes and I can make an external change.

Anger only leads to the dark side when you do nothing about it. Anger itself is not bad, regardless of what society says about it. What is bad is the aggression that we often use on others or ourselves instead of calming down and solving the problem.

More at my blog: http://jomida.com

Wed, Feb. 22nd, 2012, 01:15 pm
If you want to make changes in your life...

Having a few plans for making changes that are not important is just as foolish as all of the other strategies. To be effective requires understanding the problem, coming up with a plan and believing in ones self worth and ability to achieve.

Go to JoMiDa Blog

Thu, Dec. 8th, 2011, 12:07 am
Securing Insecurity

The first thing to remember, if you do not have clear and present evidence that you are in danger, then you probably do not need to panic right now. It is important to calm down and think rationally. The way that blood tends to flow in the brain, when emotions are heightened, blood flows into the areas of your brain that process emotion and physical action and away from the areas that deal with logic and strategy. With such uneven blood flow, plans are made poorly, logic is distorted and you can end up creating danger where none was before.

Find the full article on my blog: http://jomida.com

Tue, Nov. 22nd, 2011, 07:20 pm

Power is a deceptive beast. People avoid telling you what your power really is, in case you exercise it. By the same token, if you reach too far, people are very happy to chop your limb off. When you find yourself in a situation where you are expected to responsible for things, but not informed of the rules governing that responsibility, you can find yourself in a very precarious position.

The phrase “with great power comes great responsibility” is very cliché, but also very true. The more you can affect, then the more you are responsible for affecting either directly, or through in action indirectly. We all have power. We can all affect change on ourselves and our environment. The questions truly becomes, “should you?” and “is it wise to?”.

The inverse is also true. With responsibility comes power. Yet often I have found that the power I should have to affect the things I am given responsibility over has been either denied to me or obfuscated. This has left me feeling very disempowered, insecure and on average really pissed off.

Power should be clean and simple. You either do an action which creates an eddy current and affects the world around you, or you choose to not do something which allows the world to continue flowing around you. One of my catch phrases is this: “There is a huge difference between should and is – should defines the dream, while is defines reality”. You aim for should, but you work with is.

What we do have is the ability to act or not act. We do not define the consequences ourselves, but we can predict fairly accurately the small scale immediate consequences of our actions. This becomes convoluted in complex systems, such as paid work, crowds and any situation that involves groups of people with differing agendas. There are people who avoid exercising their own power by shifting the responsibility of their decisions to someone else, thus absolving their liability. These people can look like great followers, but can hide a passive (to your face) aggressive (when your back is turned) demeanour. It is human nature to exercise choice and power and generally the meekest people are the ones who quietly mess things up for you, just to prove to themselves that they exist.

There are also people who go out of their way to hold on to as much power as they can. These people will obfuscate lines of responsibility, hiding what it is you are expected or permitted to do; will look for and hoard evidence of any discrepancy of your actions, while at the same time avoiding any paper trail that may be used against them; and will change goal posts and give vague answers. Convolution is the key to people who hold on to power – the less you are sure about what you can do, the less power you are comfortable wielding, thus the more they hold on to.

Strategies to deal with these situations are to go back to policy and procedure, document everything you can and consider leaving to greener pastures. Resorting to policy and procedure means that you must do everything you can that is written down, even if it is frustrating, a drag, and annoying. This saves your bacon because if your actions are questioned, you can prove you did as you were instructed.

If a conflict arises between what the policy and procedure say versus what you were instructed to do by an upline, you ask for a written version of your instructions, or you email your boss stating “In the conversation we had, I just want to confirm that what you wanted me to do was …”. This is part of documenting everything. Keep copies of whatever you can, because if you need to get your hands on it in a hurry, you need to be able to do so. This can lead to some interesting filing systems for data. However don’t breach confidentiality or policy and procedure to do so as that can be used against you.

If these seem too onerous or are not keeping you safe, it is time to go. You never have to stay where you are. Sometimes we feel that we must stay for financial reasons, or because we owe it to fellow staff or clients to stay. This is all faulty. Your physical, emotional and employment health are far more valuable than loyalty to clients or staff.

About the only situation where a conflict between your needs and those of another should be seriously considered is when you need to protect your own child. Then it can be a tough call. My advice is, remember that there is only so much of yourself you can sacrifice before you also start to sacrifice the child. A small bump now can save a catastrophe later. You need to judge for yourself which is the bigger, or smaller, problem and whether your brief sacrifice will lead to long term gain for you and your child. If not, find a way out.
Choosing to stay or leave is a form of power.


Fri, Oct. 21st, 2011, 01:08 am
Who am I?

I am finding myself wondering about the space between working out who I am and acting upon that being. We test who we think we are by acting, by doing. Yet we are not defined by what we do, since that is malleable. Yet if we can not act, we are doing nothing, so how do we know who we are?

Just who am I and what do I really want/need? How do I act without mistaking my being for my ego?

Tue, Oct. 11th, 2011, 01:41 am
Emotional Numbness

We humans perceive the world in a construct made up from basic information captured by our senses. We perceive this constructed world in various ways – colour, music, temperature, odour… none of which is objectively real. One perception of the world we often overlook is emotion. Like all our perceptions, there is no objective reality to them, but again like our other perceptions, not feeling things can seriously affect our survival.

Much like there is no red in light, there is no happy in presents, no joy in chocolate and no sadness in death. What there is is happy in you when you receive a present, joy in you when you each chocolate and sadness in you when someone dies.

There are two main reasons why we stop feeling. Complications with biology and too much stimulation. These can be further complicated by combining.

So, if you are feeling emotionally numb, first, survive the situation in front of you, second look for over stimulation and find a way to deal with that so you can switch back on. If there is no source of over stimulation, look to the biological and do something to change your life.

The full article at my blog

Thu, Sep. 22nd, 2011, 07:06 am
Free Will and Action

The idea of free will is something close and dear to my heart. With free will, my choices are mine, my actions are mine, and I have ownership over my life. Ironically, I have no real proof of my free will. Too much freedom of how I exercise my will leads to repercussions, stagnation and meaninglessness. Too little freedom leads to freedom from repercussions, action and meaninglessness. Exercising freedom of my will well means treading a fine line between anarchies.

‎... You may find yourself wondering “If I have no freedom of action, that is, no free will, then why do I believe that I do?” This is the bit that breaks the system. In our story of why events happen, we believe we need to think we have free will so that we will choose what we would always have chosen. Yet we don’t need to believe this if we have no choice, since we would always have done the next event anyway. A predetermined universe does not require self awareness or self will, yet we think we are self aware and have free will...

more at my blog: http://jomida.com/jomida-blog/

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